Oh My Aching Back

        I know a lot of mothers over come physical disabilities to be awesome mothers, so I always feel guilty when I think mine are causing me to be less of a mother than I normally am. I have no large intestine from a surgery I had due to ulcerative colitis, the surgery also resulted in me having a massive hernia in a round about way. I also had an abscess following the surgery around the base of my spine  so I have had problems with my lower back since then. On top of that I also have scoliosis in my mid to upper back right below my shoulder blades. In a nut shell my back is a big mess, and my body randomly decides to revolt.

      Normally I only have 1 thing act up at once. So my lower back will hurt but I can compensate with how I pick Ducky up and how I move. Right now my lower back feels like I got hit with a baseball bat, I managed to pull the muscles on both sides of my back right when the scoliosis is, and my belly is in full flip out mode.  In short if I were not a mother I would be hiding in bed with crackers, gatorade and a heating pad!

       But I am a mother. There's no sick day when you're a mommy. Toddler's don't understand that you're in pain but will be ok. As I've previously stated Ducky is very very empathetic. If I move to fast or wrong and grunt/hiss/moan or show pain in any way she is upset and thinks something is wrong. She then wants me to pick her up and hold her to comfort her/she can comfort me. Which makes it hurt more.

       There's also little things that you use your back for that you take for granted. Bending over to change her diaper is a lesson in agony. Trying to play blocks is a fun adventure because she hides them behind me knowing it takes me a while to get to them. The baby gate is more of a nuisance than ever because I have to lift her over it. Trying to get squirmy worm into her clothes in a challenge on the best days but says like today make me wish it were warm enough to let her run around in a diaper.

     So while I want to lay down and rest and not move for say the next week I know that is not an option especially with an active toddler who expects and deserves my attention and affection. So I will continue to do what parents everywhere do which is grin and bear it and learn to adapt. Which is really what life is all about. I hope as she gets older she will learn this lesson and take it to heart and be a stronger person who works to overcome anything life throws in her way. I know some very strong women in my life I am thankful for that instilled this mindset in me.