Your Head is a Rock

        I hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving Day dinner! We had fun at all three of ours. However I did what I always pick on my bestie for. I left something behind. In this instance Ducky's nice warm winter coat. It was cold when we left at 7am but by the time we got off the mountain and down to my Grandma's it was warmer, and when we left at noonish she would have roasted if we had her wear the coat. I thought we had grabbed it but it some how got put in the spare room and of course I didn't realize this until we were walking through our front door (45 minutes later). We have her backup coat but it isn't as warm as the one we forgot. Now I feel guilty because it is freezing cold and snowing all of a sudden. We're getting the coat back at some point this week through a convoluted method so I'll just have to make sure she doesn't spend too much time outside until we do.

        While I feel horrible about it that's not the terrifying topic this week. Hard heads are. I know everyone jokes about people having hard heads, myself included. This may be in reference to being stubborn or willful. It can also literally mean you have a hard head. In Ducky's case it is both. In terms of stubbornness our little girl is getting very very willful and determined. Yesterday she demanded my husband stay sitting where she put him or she lectured him, little finger waving and all. This was of course hilarious to me and we laughed about it and gave in. We will on little matters to make it clear we will listen to her sometimes but when it comes to her safety (like stealing mommy's scissors) there is no discussion. If we're at home and she decides she wants to wear her pajamas instead of real clothes, I don't see a problem with it. I like seeing her coming into her own personality and making small decisions that show it.

        Now on the literal front, my daughter has a hard head. I've already talked about her falling on the sidewalk, her ninja rolls through the neighbors yard that she just laughed off. This week we have added to the accidents that should have caused injuries list. We have a set bed time routine, part of which is letting her run down the hallway to bed. Well on Wednesday night she added to the routine by running headfirst into the molding around the one door. She then stands up grabs her forehead, glares at the door jam like it's the doors fault before taking off again. No tears, no marks, no damage what so ever. Again tonight she accidentally ran into the door, I'm guessing she thought it wasn't latched as it normally isn't. Just bonk right into the door, glared at the door, then turned around and glared at me. No crying, no red mark, nothing. I'm not complaining it just scares me! She's eventually going to run into something that is harder than her head and then we're going to be in trouble.

     For now I'm off to watch Christmas movies, work on my crocheting and research helmets!

Oh My Aching Back

        I know a lot of mothers over come physical disabilities to be awesome mothers, so I always feel guilty when I think mine are causing me to be less of a mother than I normally am. I have no large intestine from a surgery I had due to ulcerative colitis, the surgery also resulted in me having a massive hernia in a round about way. I also had an abscess following the surgery around the base of my spine  so I have had problems with my lower back since then. On top of that I also have scoliosis in my mid to upper back right below my shoulder blades. In a nut shell my back is a big mess, and my body randomly decides to revolt.

      Normally I only have 1 thing act up at once. So my lower back will hurt but I can compensate with how I pick Ducky up and how I move. Right now my lower back feels like I got hit with a baseball bat, I managed to pull the muscles on both sides of my back right when the scoliosis is, and my belly is in full flip out mode.  In short if I were not a mother I would be hiding in bed with crackers, gatorade and a heating pad!

       But I am a mother. There's no sick day when you're a mommy. Toddler's don't understand that you're in pain but will be ok. As I've previously stated Ducky is very very empathetic. If I move to fast or wrong and grunt/hiss/moan or show pain in any way she is upset and thinks something is wrong. She then wants me to pick her up and hold her to comfort her/she can comfort me. Which makes it hurt more.

       There's also little things that you use your back for that you take for granted. Bending over to change her diaper is a lesson in agony. Trying to play blocks is a fun adventure because she hides them behind me knowing it takes me a while to get to them. The baby gate is more of a nuisance than ever because I have to lift her over it. Trying to get squirmy worm into her clothes in a challenge on the best days but says like today make me wish it were warm enough to let her run around in a diaper.

     So while I want to lay down and rest and not move for say the next week I know that is not an option especially with an active toddler who expects and deserves my attention and affection. So I will continue to do what parents everywhere do which is grin and bear it and learn to adapt. Which is really what life is all about. I hope as she gets older she will learn this lesson and take it to heart and be a stronger person who works to overcome anything life throws in her way. I know some very strong women in my life I am thankful for that instilled this mindset in me.

Mommy Hold Me!

            This week we have been plagued with what I have named the dreaded Mommy hold me disease. It started with a low grade fever and being super fussy. The fever has since broken but the fussyness has remained. As I type this one handed as she sleeps on my lap I wonder when it will abate. Ducky is for the most part a very happy baby other than the hour before bathtime/bedtime when she is an absolute demon. She will of course throw a fit every once in while when I take something off of her or yell at her but she normally forgets and moves on shortly. This week I realized exactly how lucky I have been.

              Perfect example of how she is acting differently was lunch the other day, I took the food out of the oven and off the cookie sheet, put it on a plate. Now normally when I tell her something is too hot she will look at me seriously and say hot while fanning her mouth then wander off to play until I tell her its ok to eat. That day she screamed, not cried, screamed for 7 minutes straight, and yes I timed it. It wasn't like she was hungry either she had just eaten her lunch, this was my lunch. I tried everything to get her to calm down but nothing worked until I decided it was cool enough and she had a minuscule bite then wandered off. That's the most extreme she's been with me for the most part its just whiny and wanting mommy to hold her. 

              I don't mean just snuggle on the couch and read a book/watch a movie hold me. She wants me to hold her while we build with blocks, while we color, pretty much if she can find a way for me to hold her she wants it. I really wish I had a photo of me trying to crochet while she was sitting on my lap. I'm hoping this is just a growth spurt but it's been so long since she had one I kinda forget what they're like! She does want to eat nonstop which I remember from before but she's not tired all the time like she was in previous growth spurts.

            People always say about not coddling your child and fostering dependence. I don't want a child that is permanently attached to me and can't function on her own. At the same time I can't stand the thought that she is in pain and I'm telling her "no I won't comfort you, sorry go play". I figure she can have a couple more days of being spoiled and if she is still acting fussy we might go to the doctors to make sure nothings wrong then move on from there. I'm still just praying I don't mess her up too bad!

Good Fan Bad Mom?

            Yay we came through the storm safely. Had a bit of leakage I think just from the wind and rain combined but other than that no damage. I wish the same could be said of everyone in the country. Hopefully everything gets back to normal for everyone affected by the storm as soon as possible. One of the signs of how resilient Americans  are is the NY Giants vs Pittsburgh Steelers game currently taking place. No power, no gas, no water but the fans still made it to the game!

            Now this game brings up one of my fears, I am a rabid fan. I will yell at the tv and tell the players what they did. I will tell the refs they are blind and need to study up on whatever sport they are judging. As we speak I am yelling that a penalty wasn't challenged and the coach is moron for not challenging it because it just enabled the other team to score. I am a very loyal and dedicated fan but am I teaching my daughter intolerance or to be judgmental? On the flip side I am teaching her that the rules should apply to everyone equally and you should stand up for what you believe in even if it's something as trivial as a sports game.

           Also everyone brings up how violent video games and television is but nobody says much about sports. Football has people running and tackling each other which is fine until its little kids and someone gets "tackled" too close to a coffee table or something. We were at a hockey game earlier and they're shoving each other into the glass and getting into fist fights. Baseball is less violent but you can still have moments where they slide violently into base or run each other over in order to get a run.

          There's so many things you have to worry about as a parent to try to make sure you end up with a happy well adjusted child. You just sometimes worry about random things that you didn't have to before kids. I'm probably going to handle this like I do with everything else which is keep doing what I'm doing and address the issues as they arise. I'll make sure she has all the information available and we talk everything through and then if she wants to she can join me in saying that these refs need to get to an eye doctors because they clearly can't see.

Frankenstorm?

        No matter where you live you always have some form of natural disaster to worry about. Here in the US depending on where you live you can have tornadoes, hurricanes, blizzards, mud slides, floods, wildfires, tsunami's and volcanoes. We live in the Appalachian Mountains in western Pennsylvania, so we are used to snow, ice, and flooding. It is a running joke that you go from winter to construction and back (they just re-opened one of the major roads by my house Friday night in time for winter). We often get the misnamed "wintery mix" through out the fall and spring (I say it is misnamed because it sounds cute and fun like some sort of festive chex mix, in  reality it is a disgusting mess of rain/ice/snow that no one can drive in). We have had a rare handful of tornadoes or micro-bursts, we have also had a couple of hurricane's come in land enough to dump rain on us.

         For those hiding under a rock that haven't seen the news, they are calling for Hurricane Sandy to make landfall tomorrow, then to have a head on collision with a storm that is already dropping temperatures and rain on us. At this point no one really knows what is going to go on but there's a good chance we will either get a lot of rain or snow and dangerous winds. The governor has already declared a state of disaster so that he can start mobilizing in case there is as much damage as being forecast.  The electric companies are calling in technicians as we speak to deal with expected outages. Maybe this time if we do lose power it won't take as long to restore.

         Everyone is encouraged to get a storm kit ready for worst case circumstances. Basics of a storm kit include bottled water, matches, flashlights, battery operated radio, first aid kit, nonperishable food, back up batteries and a cell phone. Even if this storm is over hyped and we just get a normal storm this is always good to have around in case your power randomly goes out (say for 12 hours because a drunk idiot hits a telephone pole). We decided to update our kit because Ducky is scared of the dark. The last time we lost power we had to keep the flashlight pointed on her toys to keep her from flipping out. I wanted to get a spiffy lantern I had found that lasts up to 500 hours on 3 D batteries (Energizer FL452WRBP Weather Ready LED Folding Lantern (Google Affiliate Ad)), but when I got to Walmart they were completely sold out. In fact they were sold out of almost all but the propane lanterns, after my sister and I grabbed the last 2 mini lanterns and ran they were completely out. I thought a fight was going to break out between people pushing and shoving to flashlights after we left. We also found a cool night light that remains on even if the power goes out (GE 11281 2-LED POWER FAILURE EMERGENCY LIGHT (Google Affiliate Ad).

         Other than getting the new lanterns and a battery operated radio (we don't own well any type of radio) we didn't need to add anything to our storm kit. I do need to take care of running around and gathering up toys in case we have to hide from the winds. In the past if the tornado siren went off I grabbed a drink, my cell phone and a book and set off to whatever room had no windows. In our current house this is a lovely cell in our basement that is dark and cold and no amount of sprucing up can keep it from being gloomy. I need to have enough easily carried toys and books to convince a very hyper toddler that this is a fun room to play in until its safe to come out.

         I went from getting everything ready for trick or treating to getting everything ready for Frankenstorm. I'm really hoping we still get to go trick or treating as this is our family's favorite holiday, but we already missed out on it at my mom's place because we didn't want to risk coming back up the mountain after dark today. Are you ready for the storm? Are you ready for the storm with tiny demanding people aka kids? For all of those who are hiding under a rock here is the expected path  for "Sandy" aka "Frankenstorm".

A Rash is a Rash?

          This weekend we have encountered a foe we continue to battle....diaper rash! Diaper rash is a common enough ailment in babies but until having Ducky I didn't know there were different types of diaper rashes. Most diaper rashes are just contact diaper rash from little sensitive bottoms rubbing on diapers or their bottoms being irritated from changes in food or having a wet diaper. Even if you change their diapers with ninja quickness they can still get diaper rash. These are easy to treat with over the counter creams and loose diapers.

          My child has the joy of fungal/yeast diaper rashes. When she got her first one we were at our wits ends because nothing we did helped. We tried every diaper rash cream on the market, even bought the super expensive supposedly better pastes to no avail. Our poor little princess was still sore and cranky. She wouldn't take a bath because the water on her bottom hurt. We finally broke down and went to the doctors office who told us we hadn't done anything wrong just didn't know that the rash was fungal.

         She gets them every time she is sick or teething. Something about the excess saliva in her stool throws off her system enough to immediately make her break out. There's a simple enough solution, antifungal cream! Our pediatrician had written us a prescription but when we went to the pharmacy they didn't have it in the back. The nice lady showed me that the athlete's foot cream had the same exact ingredients with no added scents or irritants so we decided to try it until they got the prescribed medicine in. It cleared it up within a day! We eventually did pick up the prescription stuff just for the next time but since it was 2x the cost we'll just stick with the over the counter.

Here's some info about regular diaper rashes:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_diaper-rash_81.bc

Here's some info about yeast diaper rashes:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_yeast-diaper-rash_10913.bc

And here's a nifty evaluation guide:
http://www.desitin.com/pictures-of-diaper-rash

          I just hope my daughter stops getting them soon. Almost all of her teeth are in but since we're not fully potty trained yet any time she gets sick I immediately start trying to find where I put the ointment (so I wouldn't lose it of course!). Until then changing her diaper is a 2 man job unless I get that spare set of arms I keep asking for.

         

Dupa Over Tea Kettle

     Today's terrifying moment in parenting has to do with a simple fact of toddlerdom/childhood, kid's will fall down. When they are first learning to stand they fall on their little diaper padded butts, a lot! Then comes the learning to walk stage when they just randomly topple over like your drunk relative at family get togethers. Next is the running stage where they don't care if there is a person/chair/shelf/animal in the way they are running full out and will deal with the consequences if the object doesn't get out of their way. We have now reached the stage where we "run away". Any time Ducky's feet can hit the ground she is off in the opposite
direction or after the big kids.

       It was gorgeous out today so we (us and the neighbors) were all out enjoying a last bit of warmth before the inevitable snow. Now I first need to point out that Ducky can reach the speed of a cheetah when she wants to. And she always wants to be doing whatever the big kids are doing. She took off and I had thought she had been blocked from escaping but was not (it was a big confusing mess). In any case I realize she has managed an escape and take off after her. I catch up just in time to watch her do a diving roll through the neighbors back yard.

         At this point I realize A. my daughters a ninja, B. SHE'S NOT CRYING! I know she feels pain because she will cry over shots or pinching her fingers, but she can fall and skin her knees, hit her head, in general bash herself up and not make a noise! She currently is sporting a scratch under her eye, a black eye, and random other bumps and bruises from her tumble and couldn't care less! A few weeks ago she had a little black eye and no one could figure out from what because she NEVER cried or indicated she hit it and none of us witnessed her getting hurt.

         This not being upset over bumps and bruises scares me just as much as the injuries themselves, because it's not teaching her fear. No matter how many times I tell her no, stop, don't touch etc it will be fear that teaches her to listen to mommy. Right now she doesn't fear pain so I guess I will need to brush up on my own ninja skills to make sure she doesn't get seriously injured.

Can Mommy Please Go Potty?

   Sorry for my absence, things have been crazy lately between  deaths, illnesses and birthday parties. Being sick is what prompted this blog. As Mommies we all know that our body is no longer just ours while we're pregnant. What I hadn't realized was the extent to which you never regain possession of it!

    When you're pregnant you know your body is no longer just yours, it is now a vessel for building your little miracle. For most women it's giving up drinking/drugs/etc that's bad for you and taking vitamins and eating healthily with moderate exercise. I had pretty severe gestational diabetes so my diet had to completely change, I wanted to cry when I found out no more sugar (of course I was pregnant over Halloween/Thanksgiving/Christmas/Birthday). Strict diet and exercise wasn't able to control my diabetes so I had to start taking insulin multiple times a day. I lost weight through the entirety of my pregnancy because of the diet and how sick I was (before you decide to hate me think of having to inject insulin when you have no fat left - the bruises were spectacular).  I knew that my own wants/needs/cravings no longer applied because I had to make sure that my child was born healthy.

     After you finally have the baby you know that your life is now about feedings and diaper changes and naps. No matter how exhausted you are, if you haven't slept in 3 days, when your newborn needs you that's what matters.  If you're breast feeding you really don't have your body back because you now have to make sure you're eating enough calories to keep up with both you and your baby. You also have to triple check every little thing to make sure you can safely take it without it being passed through your milk or making it dry up (I miss allergy medicine).

      As your child grows into toddlerdom you think "Yay maybe I can have it back!", but alas no they still own your body. Despite being able to feed themselves, and entertain themselves to an extent they still demand control of your physical shell. Point in case I had a brutal cold/cough, Ducky had it and got over it within a few days but mine would not go away. The cough was so bad I pulled muscles in my stomach and chest. I wasn't able to sleep because of the coughing and worried about her breathing. This does not matter to a toddler.  They don't understand "Mommy doesn't feel good, can we lay down and rest?". As they get older they probably do but at the stage mine is at, if she's feeling well then everyone else should be also.

      The other way my daughter currently owns me has to do with sharing. We encourage sharing but have created a monster. She now feels the need to share whatever she is eating (while typing this she is shoving snacks at me to make me eat with her), and you better eat it or she will just keep shoving it at your mouth until it is either eaten or magically disappears. She also feels the need to share every toy and activity she enjoys. I love playing with my daughter, we have great fun playing with blocks and cars and all of her little toys. I also try to get her to have independent play time, where she colors by herself or engages in some solitary activity. This is right now a total fail. I apparently need to join her in every single thing she is doing and vice versa.

     My software update at work went awry so I've been spending all my time at home with her. I think she is used to having the other kids to play with during the day and since I'm all she has right now I have to fill in. I have actually found myself asking my toddler permission to go to the bathroom as she drags me from room to room and activity to activity this week (of course she has to go with me to make sure I'm not secretly having fun or relaxing). I realize I need to stop this behavior before she gets spoiled and won't do anything on her own but I also don't want her to think Mommy and Daddy are too busy for her or not interested in her.
   
      It's a fine balancing act you have to master as a parent, but you still aren't getting your body back. Whether it's the snuggle me I don't feel good, Hold me and protect me from the scary thing, come look at this awesome thing I did, you are there for them. I'm looking forward to this evolving as she gets older but don't plan on my body being my own again until she's an adult if even then.

Breaking the News

    Sorry about the late post again folks, this was a very tough week for our family. Ducky's grandfather Pap Pap died. It was not after a long drawn out illness such as cancer, but not quite fast and shocking like from an accident or act of violence. Both have they're own pitfalls. With the lingering death you at least know its coming and get to say good bye. There's no easy way to deal with the loss of a loved one. We personally try to remember all the great moments we've had with the person and celebrate their lives. The loss however brought up several questions you always have to ask yourself.

    The main question is how to broach the subject, which largely depends on the age and maturity level of the child. Ducky is clearly too young to understand death, everything is very now for her. I'm sad because she will never remember her pap pap and she will only how much he loved her from what we tell her. On the other hand, although it sounds cold, I don't have to worry about her grief as well as our own. I do however have to worry about our grief in how it affects her. Our daughter is extraordinarily empathetic, if someone is crying (such as the neighbor when I was re-piercing his ears) she will be as well. When one of us has a random moment when it strikes us that we will never receive a random call that he's around the corner and get out on the porch and let him know we can't show it.

     This also brings up the second major question I had to ask myself, when is it appropriate to take your child to a funeral. I went to my first funeral when I was 6 and I understood I had to be quiet and we were all there to say goodbye to our loved one but I was not ready for the open casket viewing. I thought it was a doll someone had made that looked like her. That wouldn't have been an issue in this case, but I don't think my rambunctious toddler would be able to sit and be quiet through and actual funeral service.

      The third question then becomes what do we do with our children during the viewings, service and burial? So far we have yet to have a "stranger" baby sitter. All of our child care has been a family member or close friend. In the past I stayed home with Ducky but that would not be an option because this time I'm close to the person as well as my husband. We had several offers to watch her if we needed but I still felt awkward because I felt like I would be saying "ok you're not close enough to attend the funeral but close enough I trust you with our child! Congrats on being a second ring friend!". We all know the rings or levels of friendship exist but it's always awkward to acknowledge them. You have the really close friends who might as well be family at this point, the ones that are great friends but don't know everyone in your family, and those friends who know nothing about your family other than they maybe exist.

       The final questions I had to ask myself this week was the dreaded "what if's?". What if one of use dies, what do we want done? Funeral or Cremation? Buried close to our family or where we live now? Ashes kept in an urn or scattered? Who gets Kiernan if something happens to both of us? Who is going to be in charge of handling arrangements if a different one of our loved ones dies?

       In the end however all we're left with are our memories of a man who loved his family. We will be able to tell Ducky about how her Pap Pap used to call us to tell us about every movie he watched. How the man should have floated away with the amount of coffee he drank. We have a few of his belongings we are keeping but she will never understand the hilarity of a man who always got confused with his cell phone but constantly had a blue tooth device on his ear is why we kept it. Hopefully through the family stories she will one day get to know him since she's not going to get to grow up with him here for her.

Wait, What? Huh? It plays music!

       As I've posted previously one of my main fears with parenting is screwing up. I have studied psychology and child development both prior to thinking about conceiving.  I've also been reading just about everything you can find about parenting toddlers. I know you're not supposed to compare children's development directly to others, and there's no set moment they should just magically develop a skill. The past 2 weeks (sorry I didn't post last weekend we were busy playing). Ducky has helped remind me of this.

See it really is a throne!

        I was off last week for vacation (I think I worked more cleaning and organizing and chasing Ducky than I do at my actual job) so we spent the week working on potty training. To this point Ducky has just assumed that funny plastic chair was just a fun seat/climbing toy. I would sit her down and read her a book, watch tv, play blocks all while sitting on the chair but after 5 minutes with no activity we would abandon the throne (and I would chase after a pant less lightening bolt). She finally actually used it last Monday and I think it was a toss up as to which of us was more excited and surprised by the music issuing forth from the throne! After that she will go once or twice a day so we still have a lot of work to go but we're slowly getting there. I was worried that we were going to have a really hard time getting her potty trained or I was going to make her hate/fear the potty chair. She reminded me just to have patience and while all my friends are posting about how their children are fully potty trained that she'll get there eventually.

       The other way she has reminded me to have patience is with her speech development. I've been worried because other than Momma and Dadda she hadn't mastered many other words than MINE, yeah, and why (I really wish she hadn't learned this one). The only sentences she would use were "I did it!" (normally as she is destroying something) and "No I do it!" (normally when trying to brush her hair/teeth so she really can't). But last week it was like the flood gates opened and actual words poured forth (and wouldn't stop). Her vocabulary has at least tripled and she's using actual sentences now (very short sentences that you can only understand half of but they still count!). She's now fascinated with learning new words by sounding them out, we still have some trouble with frustration when I can't figure out what she wants/needs but we are doing much better now.

         She has given me a new fear this week though. I believe my little bundle of terror has learned/inherited Mommy's obsessive compulsive disorder. So far she has rearranged her bath time supplies by color, her books, tomatoes by size, her blocks by color, and her toys sitting order. Today when we were putting groceries away she was handing me everything and gave me all of one thing before grabbing another even when they were in a different bag and there were still things in the first bag. She then helped me reorganize the fridge. So one fear alleviated and another one initiated. Unfortunately this is how I believe parenting will always be.

Attack of the Crib

         Kids get stuck in things. It's a fact of life. Kid's get stuck in chairs, on their backs, between stair rails, or in Ducky's case between the crib slats. She has 8 teeth coming in (I wish I had whiskey in the house, not for her for me!) all at once, and the accompanying diaper rash she gets with it. So she was already having a rough night when she got her leg between the crib slats. I don't mean little stuck I mean wedged in and can't move it at all stuck. I was ready to punch out the crib slat to free her little leg when I finally got Daddy awake and he extricated her. She refused to go back in the crib (I can't blame her the crib tried to eat her leg!) so i had to spend the night holding her to get her to sleep. She now has big ugly bruises above her knee on the inside and outside of her leg as well as little finger print bruises from us grabbing her leg to try to get it out. As scary as this was it's not what had me terrified this week.

         She had shots the next day. (THIS IS NOT A FORUM TO DEBATE VACCINATIONS ANY COMMENTS ABOUT SUCH WILL BE DELETED). This to me was terrifying because I was afraid they wouldn't believe us about how and why she got the bruises. I'm scared of anyone ever trying to take my baby girl away from me (momma bear syndrome in full effect). This is where my knowledge of the law is a bad thing. I know if any medical professional suspects abuse they are required to report it to the proper authorities. I agree with this because sometimes a spiral fracture is the only outward evidence of a child's private hell. I also know sometimes kid's just fall/get stuck/run into things  (that wall jumped right in front of her!) and get bruises and broken bones. But unless you have photos or video of the accident how do you prove the bruises are from grabbing her leg to get it out instead of grabbing her leg in anger? Our pediatrician is awesome and knows we did nothing to harm our baby girl only helped her to escape the evil crib monster.

        Sorry for the short post but mommy is on vacation and has a little bundle of terror to play blocks with. :)

Sarcasm Is Its Own Language

            Sorry I'm late putting the blog up. Pulled muscle in my back (I really can't do laundry without hurting myself anymore), grocery shopping, and a very long but entertaining trip to the local amusement park kept me away from my electronic devices yesterday. But alas here is this weeks terrifying moment in parenting.
         
            I think every parent has the same thought at some point or another regarding their child, "Please don't let me screw them up!" I studied criminal justice and psychology in college so my fear might be a little more focused and specific than others. We all bring our personal backgrounds into how we raise our children and our specific fears and goals for them. Every day since I first found out I was pregnant my two main thoughts have been, "Let her be safe and don't let me screw her up too bad!" I'll come back to this through out the blog, because like I said it's my main fear regarding parenting.

            This week Ducky helped allay the fear that she would some how be too scared/regimented to express herself (while also making me terrified of her teenage years). She has mastered the seldom seen and always formidable nonverbal sarcasm, without any eye rolling! The other day she figured out how to use a pen (and I had thought nothing would ever beat the amount of "click-click click-click" you hear during final exams), this of course led to the lovely scribble art work we all have. After working on her artwork for a few minutes Ducky looked to the wall besides her. I of course advise her (aka yell in a panicked voice) that she can't draw on the walls only on the paper. Her response was to stare at me for a few seconds, take the paper off the box that doubles as a table, put the paper on the wall, and start scribbling on the paper all while maintaining eye contact. I was equal parts relieved that she knew she could sass me, amused at her comedic timing, and amazed that she mastered nonverbal sarcasm.

            It also turns out that this lack of fear in expressing her opinion also extends to strangers (Hooray! it's not just me!). Yesterday we went to our local amusement park for a fun filled day of games, rides, greasy food that's horrible for you, and last but not least the water park. After a leisurely walk through the park (she made my sister's boyfriend carry her half the way), a nutritious lunch (there have to be nutrients somewhere in bacon cheese fries!) and a few recreational games (no I don't feel bad beating a 5 yr old to win my daughter a giant purple unicorn!),  we made our way to the water park. Got everyone changed into their swimsuits and sprayed down with sunscreen (we're very pasty and I'm still trying to find a way to just fill a paint sprayer with spf100 sunscreen). After deciding the waves in the wave pool weren't fun because she had to wear a life vest we made our way to the kiddie pool area.

                    Here my little bundle of terror scared me by running to every water dispensing apparatus they had to play, climbing in and out of the pool yelling her new favorite phrase "I do it!" (be honest that's the one sentence that makes you proud and sad all at once), and attempting to swim like the big kids were. When the life guard blew the whistle I scooped her up telling her we had to get out of the pool, she responded with her new favorite word, "Why?".  I tried to explain that we can't be in the pool without the lifeguard there to keep us safe, she proceeded to look at the lifeguard and order him to stay (I didn't even know she knew the word stay). She finally calmed down when she saw all of her animal friends waiting for her in the stroller but there for a minute I thought she was going to lead a revolt of toddlers and babies that wanted to keep playing in the water.
         
                 So this week she showed me she's not afraid to let me and others know what she's thinking. This seems very small but it means she is not afraid of my reaction and trusts that I will listen and respond to her wants and needs. Hopefully she always believes this.

Fevers, Coughs, and Steroids Oh My!

       This has been the week of medical issues. First there was my fun tumble down the stairs (I'm able to walk without the air cast now btw). Then Tuesday Ducky spiked a random fever. I'm not sure how familiar everyone is with febrile seizures but they're definitely the boogie man in my house. It's pretty much a seizure brought on by fever. I started having them as a teen which is atypical but my father had issues with fevers as well. Ducky has started going from being fever free to suddenly over 102 within minutes, which is when I normally have seizures.

       So at 2am when I wake up to a burning baby my first thought is........where's the stupid thermometer? (Then when I eventually find it I have to get my eyes to work right to read the tiny nonbacklit screen.) Every time I see its over 102f I have the clutch of fear that this is the time she has a seizure. At least now that she's older I'm not having to take her to the ER every time it gets over 101. (If you've never had to hold a baby under 3 months down so they can draw cultures or swabs you're luck). Luckily after a day of snuggling and drinking a ton of fluid and eating an entire can of homestyle chicken noodle soup (something I can't even accomplish) her fever finally broke.

        I think things are going to settle back down (I don't know why considering they never do) when all of a sudden my husband starts coughing nonstop. When we drop our little bundle of terror off with Nana she's coughing too (I swear at one point their coughs matched up perfectly like a duet of misery). She tells us that she had been in the emergency room all night and has bronchitis. I'm hearing her cough come out of my husband and realize crap so does he. After several hours of arguing he finally agrees to go to the ER himself after I get off work where he gets diagnosed with bronchitic as well.

      The entire time I'm waiting for him to go and get checked out the only thought in my head is PLEASE DON"T BE VIRAL! I'm having flashbacks of when Ducky had a really bad upper respiratory  infection and I had to take her in for chest x-rays and breathing treatments. Our hospitals ER has this lovely device in order to take clear images (I think drugs were involved in getting the baby above to not be screaming and biting and everything else in order to get out like Ducky did) of infant's lungs.
Luckily according to the doctors its just weird coincidence that they both got it at the same time so I can stop having nightmares of this spreading through all the babies.


After getting a bunch of antibiotics and steroids (any one else ever benefit from the prednisone cleaning binges, my house is spotless!) into him my husband is breathing normally again. Ducky so far is fever free. My feet are still lovely shades of purple and red but able to work as feet now. We will see how long it lasts this time. And down below is a link about febrile seizures in case anyone wants more information.

http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/febrile_seizures/detail_febrile_seizures.htm


   

My Baby Gate Tried to Kill Me

Every person I know that has a small human running around, and has baby gates up, has more than one bruise from them. You go to step over and you catch your shin on it or you stub your toe. You whack your knee off of it. Even if you can install the ones with the swinging gate you still end up with baby gate war wounds. Yesterday morning though my baby gate tried to kill me!

I was doing what a million working moms always do on a Saturday morning, trying to multitask and cram as many chores into my morning as possible so I don't have to deal with them during the week. Ducky (my little bundle of terror) and I were picking up all the dirty laundry (aka I put it in the laundry basket and she of course yanks it back out). We were coming down the stairs and as I was keeping an eye on her and carrying the laundry basket that gate reached out and grabbed my foot! Or you know with my innate lack of grace I stubbed my toes trying to step over it and executed an impressive fall that involved throwing the laundry basket and managing to catch myself before bashing my head off the toy chest. And as any mother who has hurt themselves while home alone with kids you don't get a second to sit on the floor and catch your breath (or curse like a sailor until whatever you hit stops throbbing) because your wonderful child will use this time to perpetrate unspeakable horrors. I immediately jump up to rescue the Duck and my ankle of course refuses to hold weight for some reason (it couldn't be that it was just twisted and bashed off every flat service by my stairs).

After Daddy gets home to find us, me with my foot iced and elevated and Ducky taking advantage of this by running in literal circles while hiding dirty clothes, I go get my foot X-ray'd. You've never lived til you have emergency room personnel giggle at your harrowing tumbles. Luckily nothing is broken just bruised and sprained. I'm currently stuck in an air cast (i.e. something with lots of velcro for little hands to investigate) and having to elevate and ice my feet. (always sounds AMAZING until hour two when you start losing it)

Now I know what everyone will say, "Why don't you get a swinging gate?" A. I can't install it where I need to because of the way my stairs are made. B. Ducky is way too smart and is figuring out how to open everything including child safety locks on cabinets.  There's also the "Well just take it down" which leads to visions of Ducky trying to execute her somersaults down the stairs.

In the end I pick the path of least terror, which just means I need to keep an eye on the gate from now on!

Intro

I'm been debating on starting a mom blog for a while now, almost 26 months. From the first moment I was told, "Yes you're pregnant we would normally recommend making an appointment in a few weeks you need to be seen ASAP because you're already considered high risk." through the c-section I crashed after, the baby's first fever and all the terrifying moments in between. I kept telling myself there's already blogs out there about these subjects, you know this because you read them! But since I'm currently stuck resting with my feet in the air (sounds like a dream right?) I figure I might as well start now with my tale of misadventure with safety equipment. Welcome to my terrifying journey through parenthood.

Ducky aka My Little Bundle of Terror